Managing Holiday Stress: Tips for Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics
Every year, I find myself having the same conversation with clients -- how to manage the challenges of holidays with family members whose dysfunction causes hurt and chaos in the rest of the family. This dysfunction can manifest in various ways, such as:
Adult siblings who are on the “outs” with each other and refuse to be at the same holiday celebration with the rest of the family.
Feeling obligated to spend time with family members who have hurt you, even though your relationship has become estranged.
Deciding whether to invite a family member struggling with addiction—fearing either enabling their behavior by including them or facing guilt and conflict within the family if they are excluded.
Parents whose adult children are skipping the holiday celebration because of religious differences that lead to accusations of judgmental attitudes.
So, how do you navigate these situations while maintaining your emotional well-being?
Keep your expectations realistic.
There is no such thing as a perfect family or a perfect holiday gathering. The holidays aren’t magical like the TV and movies make them out to be.
Acknowledge your feelings.
The holidays can bring on a mix of emotions – depression, sadness, joy or frustration. Some are grieving the loss of a loved one while others are feeling let down when their holiday doesn’t match their hopes. Pay attention to signals that you might need to talk to someone: increased irritability, changes in your sleep, social isolation, or depression. If you’re struggling, talk to a friend, family member, pastor or professional. You don’t have to deal with these feelings alone.
Practice giving grace to others.
This means treating them with kindness even if they don’t deserve it. Remember that you want to treat your family members the way you hope they would treat you – with understanding and compassion. Sometimes your kindness can defuse a tense situation. While showing grace is important, it is also important to protect your own mental health. Self-care strategies can help.
Implement self-care strategies.
Family gatherings can become intense. That’s why having some self-care strategies isn’t just helpful- it’s essential. Instead of waiting until you feel overwhelmed, check in with yourself regularly by asking, “What do I need in this moment?”
Sometimes, the most powerful self-care practice is simply stepping away.
Find a quiet moment to walk around the block, breathing in some fresh air and allowing yourself to settle down. A brief break can provide you with the perspective needed to return to the family gathering with additional patience.
Practice deep breathing exercises to manage stressful situations. You can try this technique: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and exhale for 7 counts. This extended exhalation exercise helps turn on your calming nervous system.
Another valuable tool is the use of coping statements. You might tell yourself, “I can handle this” or “I can take a break if I need to” or “just breathe.” These internal reminders can help you maintain your composure when family dynamics become challenging.
Set boundaries.
During the holidays, boundaries are essential to help you maintain your emotional well-being. In therapy, I help my clients determine their boundaries ahead of the holiday gathering. Decide in advance what your boundaries are going to be.
You can decide that you will stay in a hotel instead of staying with family.
Decide if there are any topics that you don’t wish to discuss and end the conversation if someone won’t switch the topic.
Take a break during a family gathering. You are allowed to take a break during a family gathering if it becomes too much for you to handle!
You can say “No” to certain requests, and you can leave the event early if you need to.
Extending grace to your family members—even when it’s hard—can create a more peaceful holiday atmosphere. Remember to balance grace toward others while also taking care of your own emotional well-being.
The holidays can be challenging, whether you're dealing with family tension, grief, or emotional stress. For more support, read our blog, Finding Hope & Comfort During Difficult Holidays. If you're feeling overwhelmed and need personalized guidance, reach out to schedule a consultation to explore strategies that work for you.
Paraclete Counseling Center is conveniently located in Suwanee, GA, and offers both online and in-person therapy to clients in Suwanee, Johns Creek, Duluth, Alpharetta, Cumming, Buford, Norcross, Lawrenceville, Roswell, Peachtree Corners, Dacula, and the surrounding areas. We are proud to offer Christian counseling to individuals, couples, and families looking for faith-based support in their therapeutic journey. Whether you're dealing with mental health concerns, relationship challenges, or desiring personal growth, we are here to walk with you through whatever you're going through. Reach out today to schedule a session with us!
