Grief and Holidays: Finding Hope and Comfort
As we enter the holiday season in the last quarter of the year, it is a time that we often expect to feel joy and wonder. Or at least that is what the advertisements tell us. The reality is that the holiday season is challenging for many people due to the stress and difficult family dynamics that come up during this time of year. Additionally, those who are grieving losses struggle acutely during this time of year.
Navigating Your First Holiday After a Loss: What to Expect
In general, the first year of grieving is often the most painful. There are so many reminders of your loss and so many firsts to experience. The first birthday or anniversary, family gathering, holiday, etc. Also, many traditions during the holiday season involve our loved ones and when we gather, it is impossible not to notice the hole left behind.
Why Suppressing Grief During the Holidays Can Lead to Emotional Strain
So, what can we do to survive the holidays after a loss, whether it is recent or something we have had some time to get used to? Some people try to power through and keep it together. Some people try everything in their power to avoid reminders or conversations about the missing loved one. However, these practices do not honor the loved one and do not honor your grief process. If you stuff those feelings down and do not allow space to process them, they do not simply go away, they will eventually come out in a maladaptive way, such as:
Emotional outbursts
Numbing
Impulsive behavior
Social withdrawal
Strained relationships
Depression and/or Anxiety
Rather, I would encourage you to develop a tradition or ritual to honor your loved one.
Creating New Traditions: Honoring Your Loved One This Holiday Season
Incorporate Their Memory into Decorations: Place a picture or special ornament in their memory.
Tell Stories: Share memories that keep their presence alive during gatherings.
Volunteer or Donate in Their Name: If they had a favorite cause, give back in their honor.
Adapt Traditions as Needed: Some traditions may need to change, and that’s okay. Allow yourself the flexibility to adjust rituals to your new reality.
Why It's Important to Allow Yourself to Grieve During the Holidays
You will likely find in the first holiday season (or first few) that your emotions overwhelm you at times, and that is okay. Create space for your grief. If you can anticipate when you might feel overcome by your grief, let someone in your support system know and tell them how they can help support you. It is okay to tell them you need to step out for a minute. Ask for someone to sit with you or give you a hug. You do not have to keep it together.
The Bible addresses grief throughout both the Old and New Testament. In the Psalms, God reminds us that He is with the brokenhearted and there is a description of an author’s (likely David) exhaustion from weeping all night. In John, we see Jesus’s grief when he wept after the death of his friend Lazarus. Jesus grieved despite everything he knew about eternal life. So, we can hold on to our hope in eternal life and use that as a comfort, but still grieve. We can allow ourselves to be supported in our grief or as suggested in Romans support those who grieve (mourn with those who mourn). The Bible validates our pain and can be a source of comfort, but it does not tell us to pretend like everything is okay.
Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care This Holiday Season
Try not to overload yourself during the holidays when the grief is fresh. Prioritize the important activities, but do not feel like you must do everything. It is okay to say no to some of the events. It is okay to set boundaries with others. It is okay to create boundaries around your time and energy as well as avoiding certain triggers that will cause you to lose emotional control. It can be tempting to keep yourself busy or to isolate yourself and do nothing. Neither of these is ideal or healthy for most people grieving as you are either avoiding your pain or sitting in the pain too much.
Learning to Embrace Both Joy and Sorrow During the Holidays
It does not dishonor your loved one to find joy in life despite your loss. Try to look for moments of joy and gratitude. God created humans to be emotionally complex and we can experience both joy and sorrow at the same time. Try to think about what your loved one would want for you going forward and honor them by finding little bits of goodness while you grieve. You never stop loving and missing someone that you have lost, however, you can learn to live your life despite that loss. The holidays are an appropriate time to remember them.
If you're struggling this holiday season, you're not alone. Our therapists are here to support you in navigating grief during the holidays.
Paraclete Counseling Center is conveniently located in Suwanee, GA, and offers both online and in-person therapy to clients in Suwanee, Johns Creek, Duluth, Alpharetta, Cumming, Buford, Norcross, Lawrenceville, Roswell, Peachtree Corners, Dacula, and the surrounding areas. We are proud to offer Christian counseling to individuals, couples, and families looking for faith-based support in their therapeutic journey. Whether you're dealing with mental health concerns, relationship challenges, or desiring personal growth, we are here to walk with you through whatever you're going through. Reach out today to schedule a session with us!
