Feeling Stuck in Your Relationship? Greater Atlanta Therapist’s Tips for Reconnecting
As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how relationships can reach a standstill. Many couples love each other deeply but feel disconnected, frustrated, or hopeless. If that sounds familiar, know this: You are not alone, and change is possible.
Is Your Relationship Stuck?
Is this it…? Is this all there is? Where do we go from here? How do we go on from here?
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you’re not the only one. Many couples reach a point where their relationship feels stuck—where no matter what they try, things don’t seem to improve. Maybe you’ve tried suggestions from the latest social media post, read a relationship book, or asked friends for advice. Perhaps you feel so overwhelmed that you haven’t taken any steps yet, but deep down, you know you can’t keep going on like this.
You’ve reached an impasse—your relationship feels stuck. Relationships can hit this roadblock at any stage. Whether you're newly married or have been together for decades, differences in communication, parenting styles, conflict resolution, or major life decisions—such as illness or caregiving—can create a gridlock that is difficult to overcome.
Signs Your Relationship May Be Stuck
You find yourselves arguing about the same things, without any resolution
You’re co-existing more like roommates than partners, with little connection.
Physical and emotional intimacy have declined.
You feel misunderstood or unheard.
You struggle to handle major life stressors.
Why Many Couples Stay Stuck
When a relationship hits a rough patch, couples tend to react in two ways that are not helpful: by forcing a solution or avoiding the issue.
Forcing a solution often looks like intense arguments or harsh words. Pushing too hard usually causes more damage than resolution.
Avoiding the issue may involve withdrawing, hoping things will resolve on their own. However, suppressing emotions usually results in built-up resentment, making it harder to reconnect later.
Neither of these approaches creates lasting change. The key to getting unstuck starts with looking inward and addressing the root of the issue.
So, how do we get unstuck?
The Power of Self-Awareness: How to “Hold On to Yourself”
Dr. David Schnarch, a psychologist and relationship expert, describes “holding on to yourself” as the ability to maintain a strong sense of self while connecting with others, without losing your individuality. As human beings, we are wired to seek both autonomy—the ability to control our own lives—and attachment—the need for connection with others.
Balancing these two needs is essential, yet many struggle with one of two extremes:
Feeling trapped or controlled in the relationship, losing touch with your sense of self and identity.
Fearing abandonment, constantly seeking reassurance for safety and security.
In order to “hold on to yourself,” Schnarch identifies four ways to do this:
1. Know who you are – Maintain a strong sense of self. You can make decisions confidently without feeling pressured by others or allowing their words to shape your identity.
2. Ability to calm yourself – Effectively manage your emotions and control anxiety during relational conflict, allowing you to stay grounded in challenging moments.
3. Remaining nonreactive – Stay calm under stress and respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting emotionally. This self-awareness allows you to choose kindness over hurtful words in difficult situations.
4. Tolerating discomfort – Embrace the ability to endure discomfort when necessary. Overcoming setbacks and pushing through challenges fosters personal growth and strengthens your relationship resilience.
Choosing Kindness: A Simple Yet Powerful Shift
One of the most powerful ways to overcome a relational standstill is by focusing on your own actions—regardless of how your partner responds. Kindness isn’t about being passive; it’s about intentionally choosing words and behaviors that create a foundation for trust, healing, and connection. Choosing kindness is a tangible way to foster meaningful change.
Even Scripture teaches us to show kindness—even to those who may not treat us well (Romans 12:20-21; Proverbs 25:21-22). If we are called to extend grace to our enemies, how much more should we offer that same compassion to the ones we love most?
No matter how your partner responds, choose kindness. In doing so, you give them the gift we all deeply long for—unconditional love.
What If Your Partner Doesn’t Respond?
This is a common fear: What if I change, but my partner doesn’t?
It’s possible they won’t respond immediately. That’s frustrating—but here’s what’s important:
✔️ You’re making changes for the health of your relationship—not for immediate rewards.
✔️ Genuine transformation takes time. When one person changes, the dynamic of the relationship shifts.
✔️ You control your actions, not your partner’s. Your job isn’t to “fix” them, but to trust God with your partner and let Him be the one who changes them.
Many couples find that as one person shifts their mindset, the other eventually follows. Remember to choose kindness, no matter their response. Let it come from a place of genuine, unconditional love—reflected in both your words and daily actions.
The Role of Communication: Putting Words to Your Experience
When couples feel stuck, communication often breaks down—not only in what is said, but also in how it's said.
By starting from a place of "holding on to ourselves," we create a sense of safety that allows for open communication, free from fear.
The way we communicate is key to connection and can play a pivotal role in moving relationships forward. By finding new ways to express our experiences, we foster greater self-understanding, which in turn strengthens our relationships.
Working Together Instead of Against Each Other
When relationships feel stuck, it’s easy to see your partner as the problem. But instead of fighting each other, what if you considered working together to address the problem?
Shift from "me vs. you" to "us vs. the problem."
Look for solutions that benefit both of you, not just one person.
Commit to patience—true healing takes time.
A strong relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about learning to navigate it as a team. When we stop seeing our loved ones as the enemy and start working as a team, we create the possibility for real change.
Getting Unstuck Takes Time—But Small Steps Create Big Change
Healing in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight. But with intentionality and patience, progress is possible.
Getting unstuck doesn’t happen overnight, but small, intentional steps can shift the momentum. If you’re feeling stuck, focus on:
✔️ Practicing self-awareness
✔️ Responding with kindness
✔️ Communicating with calmness and empathy
✔️ Seeing challenges as opportunities to grow together
When you choose kindness, self-awareness and open communication, you’ll begin to see movement - one conversation, one act of love, one moment at a time.
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" – Galatians 5:22-23
Take the First Step Toward Healing Today
If you and your partner are feeling stuck and unsure of how to move forward, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. At Paraclete Counseling Center, we understand the complexities of relationships and are committed to helping couples like you rediscover connection, understanding, and growth.
Terrence helps couples navigate relationship challenges, rebuild trust, and improve communication by offering a compassionate, collaborative space for growth, understanding, and lasting transformation. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, schedule a free consultation with Terrence today!
Paraclete Counseling Center is conveniently located in Suwanee, GA, and offers both online and in-person therapy to clients in Suwanee, Johns Creek, Duluth, Alpharetta, Cumming, Buford, Norcross, Lawrenceville, Roswell, Peachtree Corners, Dacula, and the surrounding areas. We are proud to offer Christian counseling to individuals, couples, and families looking for faith-based support in their therapeutic journey. Whether you're dealing with mental health concerns, relationship challenges, or desiring personal growth, we are here to walk with you through whatever you're going through. Reach out today to schedule a session with us!
